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How-To: Keep Sex with Your Colleague a Secret

I hadn’t meant to have a fling at work. I’d not long been out of a relationship and my confidence was low. So, the last thing on my mind during a work night out was to hook up with my colleague for some no-holds-barred sex, someone who until that point had simply just been a friend – and someone who I didn’t think I fancied.

But a few wines later, a gentle caress of my thigh… and before I knew it, stolen kisses and naughtiness had followed. Whether it was the ego boost, the unexpected thrill of his touch, or the mind-blowing sex that we’d enjoyed, I was instantly hooked and wanted more.

office sex

There were questions in my mind. Had it been the booze? Could I do this again? Could this be something more? We both quickly realised we wanted to explore our attraction further but without the whole world whispering about it in the office kitchen or behind closed toilet doors. And, admittedly, by the ‘whole world’ I’m referring to my colleagues – I couldn’t wait to announce to other friends with unabated relish that I was back in the game.

Intimate couple

To avoid detection, I had to learn some rules very fast with my new sex pal – let’s call him Ryan*. While it was obvious that Ryan and I were gagging for each other, we had to keep things cool, which meant no flushed cheeks in our one-to-ones, no lingering eyes or wandering hands. Basically I was fast-tracked into an Oscar-worthy performance that even RADA would have endorsed.

Intimate couple 3

Psychologist Dr Becky Spelman says some simple body language rules can be the difference between secret fooling around and being discovered by nosy colleagues, who can at times resemble a braying pack of hyenas – scavengers of gossip primed for any sniff of an office scandal. ‘Be comfortable in yourself and your body around the person you’re with,’ she explains. ‘Don’t avoid the person but don’t act over-familiar either. Be as consistent as you are with other colleagues.’

Colleagues gossiping

This covers the inevitable question that’s going to pop up in your mind fairly early on: can we do it in the office? Becky advises that it’s up to you, but don’t forget to think through the consequences first. ‘Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that would happen if you were caught,’ she says. ‘If you are the owner of the company, by all means go in there after hours and after and have some fun if there are no negative consequences. It can feel exciting doing it in an environment that is usually only used for work purposes. If you’re an employee and you know that getting caught would completely jeopardise everything, just don’t do it.’

Intimate couple 2

If like me you don’t have keys to a private room where you can fuck each other’s brains senseless, then also consider the feelings of the cleaner should he or she catch you mid-orgasm with your knickers down. Plus, timing is everything. ‘I would say keep some boundaries such as not having sex within working hours,’ suggests Becky.

Another important consideration involves an honest, stern talking with yourself about what it is you really want. Are you after a one-night stand, a kinky few weeks, a full-blown affair or a potential new partner? For me, my lust-fuelled antics were purely based on just that – a desire to get a new man between my thighs. Sat at my desk, I often found myself like a cat on heat at the thought of our next rendezvous: the smell of his skin, his soft lips on mine and my legs clenched around his body. But that was all – I wasn’t looking to fall in love.

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‘If you can’t separate sex and love, don’t do it,’ Becky advises. ‘Not many women can have unemotional sex but some can completely separate the two. If you are one of the lucky ones who can then an office friend with benefits can be very enjoyable.’

That’s not to say it’s completely hands off – millions of relationships haven’t started at work without good reason. But be cautious, trust your instincts and whatever you do, don’t tell your best workmate – the chances of suddenly being accosted by mouth-opened female colleagues about the size of such-and-such’s schlong will be significantly raised. Alternatively as Becky says, ‘choose friends outside the workplace to share the exciting details with instead’.

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So that’s all you need to know. Go forth and enjoy yourself. I definitely had a good time. Did it last? No, but I wouldn’t change a moment of it, and it helped me get my much-needed confidence back. And as for those pesky colleagues – were our naughty shenanigans ever revealed? Nope, they still don’t know. Shhh.

Dr Becky Spelman can be contacted at www.theprivatetherapyclinic.co.uk; @drbeckyspelman

Kat is a lifestyle editor and freelance writer. She always has time for the good things in life: wine, laughter and great sex with the right person. If you can't find her trying to perfect her headstand in yoga, she's just as likely to be found in a north London pub. Follow her on twitter @kathopps