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Is This The World’s Most Outrageous Valentine’s Day Present?

Happy Valentine’s Day Assholes.

What do you get when you cross an inquisitive chocolatier with an unsuspecting stranger and a taboo-ridden body part? The answer is the chocolate Edible Anus, the latest in questionable confectionary available from Firebox.com and just in the nick of time for all those loved-up young couples to celebrate a rather more adventurous Valentine’s Day.

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It may be seen as an often outlawed sex muscle, but it’s hard to overlook the fact that the anus is a powerful symbol of intimacy. And, with the right flavouring (in this case, smooth chocolate) it can be a highly delicious treat. Anyway, in this post-50 Shades of Grey world, isn’t it about time to break the taboo topic of the derriere?

Contained in a smart and unassuming black gift box are three immaculate (well, we think they’re pretty darn smart) sphincters in three tasty flavours – Dark, Milk and White. Each are made using the finest Belgian chocolate, but are proudly produced right here on our very own British shores.

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But how did these cheeky treats come to pass we hear you shout? The creator attempted to cast them from his own anus with disastrous, and messy, results. Whilst explaining this mishap to a chance acquaintance at a bus stop, this kindly female friend offered her services and allowed him to cast her own delightful anus. Half an hour later the job was done, and that female stranger now has no idea that her cast has gone global as an after-dinner treat.

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These sordid sweet treats are ready to transform you from unthoughtful bum in to gift-giving hero in a pinch. So spread the love and really open up to your partner with this tongue-in-cheek gift this Valentine’s Day.

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The chocolate Edible Anus is available from Firebox.com for £6.99.

Please Note:

  • May contain traces of nuts (sorry, sorry, sorry – they might)

Product Features:

  • Box includes three edible anuses – Dark, Milk and White
  • Sort-of like a Hershey’s kiss, only it’s an anus
  • Eat it all up or let it dissolve on the tongue
  • Belgian chocolate, (perfectly-formed) British anus
  • Fruit and nut version available soon

Angelica is Founder and Editor-in-Chief at About Time. She's a big believer in brunch, business and the notion that time is how you spend your love. She's obsessed with time, but never feels she has enough of it. Follow her on Twitter @jellymalin to see photos of her smoothies.