How-To Guides


Learn: The Semen Smoothie

Confession time: I cannot stand semen. I find the texture, the smell, the look and most of all the taste of it offensive in the extreme. Probably a hangover from my teenage years where deeply unpleasant public school boys thought it was totally fine to come in your mouth, on your hand or on your Cath Kidson sleeping bag (still bitter about that one) and then leave you totally unsatisfied.


But I love giving my boyfriend pleasure. Watching his face whilst I give him an incredible blow job is one of the greatest turn ons conceivable, and stopping before he comes in order for him to jizz on something nice and sanitary (like a tissue) feels mean. So the solution? Change the way that his jizz tastes. And trust us, it’s possible.


All men’s come tasstes different, and what he’s eating is flavouring his semen. Garlic, beer, curry and onions? Grim. If you’re going to chose a partner on the potential taste of his come, I’d suggest dating a raw vegan. But given that my favourite thing to chow down on is a super rare fillet steak, that’s not really an option. You know what is an option? ¬†A jizz smoothie. Which might sound like a truly disgusting fetish, but is in fact a delicious fruity drink that’s going to improve both of your lives.


The recepie is as follows. Whilst you might want to make it for him the first time, as soon as he grasps the idea that smoothie = blow jobs, he’ll probably start making it himself. (Make sure you get some too – it’s really yummy.)

Jizz Smoothie 

One banana

One pineapple (sounds like a lot, but once you cut all the skin and core away, it’s not. Plus pineapple is the main jizz neutralising ingredient)

A handful of blueberries

Half a mango

A handful of raspberries


Put all the ingredients in the blender, blend until smooth, add ice, blend again.

Happy blowing!

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