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About FCKING Time: We Talked About Teen sex

Teenage girls share everything; shoes, Topshop garments- even dirty details of sexual endeavours. But two of the above can be bought, meaning everyone’s got a chance of acquiring them and being one of the ‘cool kids’. So, what about the girls that don’t want to spread their legs for social status?

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It’s age-old knowledge that everyone sexually ‘matures’ at different rates. Some may be more interested in innocently frolicking around vast fields rather than being fondled behind the PE block. Each to their own. And that’s ok. What’s not ok, and really verging on creepy, is when girls tell their mates that they think it’s time for them to lose their virginity to that kid in their math class.

It’s a perverse idea that you should try to alter someone’s libido and convince them who they want their cherry to be popped by. Even more so if they’re supposedly a friend of yours, in which case it’s also disloyal. Teenage girls are amongst the most vulnerable beings out there and as one myself I can assure you that friends’ words may carry more weight than one would think. Be it solicited advice or voluntarily contributed in a well meaning manner, girls don’t always have each others best interests at heart and it’s easy to forget that what may feel like the ‘right’ age for some could be years before or after that of another.

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Aswell as mates, movies have a big impact on the pressure teen girls (and guys) feel. Almost every crappy American teen flick features a ceremonious sacrifice-like ceremony in which a gal offers her V-card as bait to lure in a greasy looking friend, who usually ends up either being gay or humiliating her. While the latter has the capabilities of terrifying a girl into a chastity belt, the ‘set-up’ also makes it seem like a huge deal.

And while it is a big deal, perhaps even a milestone for some, it’s ok to chose just stick to the basics. I for one would burst out laughing (and probably release a short snort) if I walked into a room of candles and dark lighting. For the clumsier teens amongst us this could have dire consequences. One could fall (literally) head over heels. And trust me, it would conclude in no remotely romantic scenario.

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Also, a teenage boy’s assumption of what is romantic can be so far from the truth that it’s comical. I’ve heard stories of those who think blasting Arctic Monkey’s tunes from their iPhone while drinking a bottle nicked from someone’s parents is their key to being granted ‘access’.

According to Seventeen magazine’s survey of what appear to be ‘special’ teenage guys, they’re nothing like the lot I know,  78% say there is way too much pressure from society to have sex. So what exactly are the sources of this societal pressure?

One I’ve already addressed is movies. However, most are so corny they’re simply ignored by anyone with an ounce of sense. As with many issues of female sexuality I blame lad culture. But in this case it’s got so bad that it’s affecting those who supposedly reap the benefits of it. It’s easy to forget that the first time can be scary and stressful for guys too. Tradition states that the man should make the first move. While I personally think this rule is complete BS, many feel pressured into obeying it.

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This is made even worse by the pack mentality that some teenage boys for some reason hold. There’s nothing less appealing than a group of ‘lads’ going out ‘on the pull’ together. Not only do they have an escalated sense of confidence but lines can also be blurred, meaning that girls can easily fall victim to supposedly innocent games. Revolting stories have been told to me by friends of guys going to parties with the aim to get with, and see how ‘far they can go’, with as many girls as possible. Not only is this a vulgar ‘game’ disregarding girls emotions, it also brings up the wicked ‘C’ word. Consent.

If someone does not explicitly say they want it or go so far as to literally pull your trousers off you, it’s a no-go area. Just because one member of the relationship is ready, doesn’t mean the other is. And with many girls feeling the pressure that if they don’t supply the entertainment their boyfriend’s eyes will wander, some may lose their virginity under the premise that it’ll save their relationship.

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The prospect of any girl feeling that they’re in a situation where they have to spread their legs to keep their friends or significant other happy makes me feel completely depressed. Sex is an opportunity to explore your own and your lover’s body and no one can tell you when you’re ready for that apart from you.

Words by Emma Jacobs

AFT is a sex magazine for the passionate, intellectual modern woman. Female sexuality deserves its own voice; we believe that good sex isn't a privilege, it's a right. Follow us on Twitter @AFT_mag and join the conversation #WeComeFirst

  • http://www.rubysreveries.com Cristina

    Great article Emma, and really nothing has changed from when I was a teenager 20 odd years ago.